"Moonlight Sonata" by Will Lewis

And I slapped him across the face.

"What the fuck!?"

The moon was stunned. How dare anyone palm his craters in such a vigorous, unforeseen fashion. It was unforgivable.

"You did NOT just fucking do that. I'ma bring on some apocalypse if you don't goddamn apologize RIGHT now."

I stood there and stared that gasping hunk of stone right in his old tired eyes (which were a surprising amount of 'lit up,' I should say). He needed to know who was the fucking boss around here and I was going to show that sucker what was what. He was quivering with an intense aura about him, shitting his nonexistent moon shorts for all I cared. "Y'know what?" I thought. And then I slapped that fucker again.

"Goddamn!" The moon roared. "What the FUCK makes YOU think that YOU can slap ME - the MOON!"

I turned around and started walking away.

"Get 'cho ass back here!" He yelled into the back of a perfectly postured young genius. "I'm not through with you yet! Get back here or there'll be hell to pay!"

I knew he wasn't going to do anything. Apocalypse? Yeah right. He wouldn't even be able to work up the gravity to provide a romantic backdrop for me and my honey. Pfff, what a moon we have.

"I'm serious! Deeeeead serious! You can't do this to me! I'm da moon!"

As he said 'moon,' his voice cracked and trailed off into a sob. Bitch.